Starting Over: Dating, Intimacy, and New Relationships in Later Life
"I never expected to be doing this again."
It is a sentence many people say when a long relationship has ended through separation, divorce or the death of a partner. It can carry hope, nerves, grief and a little embarrassment all at once.
Underneath it sits a bigger assumption: that romance, desire and new love belong to the young, and that the door closes somewhere around retirement. The research does not support that stereotype.
This article looks at what recent studies say about dating, intimacy and new relationships after midlife. It covers what people want, what gets in the way, what is different about dating online, and when it may help to talk to someone.
Most of the studies involve people aged 55 and over. But the questions travel. If you’re younger and starting over after a separation, a loss or a long stretch of caring, much of this applies to you too.
Desire does not retire
Single older adults are often assumed to be uninterested in sex or romance. A 2026 analysis of interviews with 100 single adults aged 60 to 83, recruited through online dating websites, challenged that directly (Harris & Melanson, 2026).
For many of them, sexual activity remained an important part of building a new romantic relationship. Men and women both recognised that ageing changes sexual function, and neither group saw those changes as insurmountable. They adjusted their expectations and kept their desire for intimacy.
The title of the study says it well: "The shop is not closed" (Harris & Melanson, 2026).
Intimacy is wider than sex
Intimacy is not only about sex. In a survey of 75 adults aged 60 and over, mostly from Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom, people continued to value sexuality, expression, desire and identity as they aged, even though what these meant and how they took part changed (Portellos et al., 2023).
The adaptations were practical and human: openness, curiosity, exploration and relationships that mattered to them. Age alone did not explain how people experienced their sexuality. Past relationships, health experiences and willingness to learn all played a part.
People who were not in a relationship tended to report less sexual activity, but they were not necessarily dissatisfied with their sexuality (Portellos et al., 2023).
A Canadian interview study of 30 LGBTQ+ adults aged 65 to 83 found a similar emphasis. Participants valued the emotional and physical intimacy, companionship and happiness they gained from romantic relationships, and said affection and emotional connection mattered more to them than sex (Hurd et al., 2025).
Why it goes so quiet
If desire continues, why is the topic so rarely discussed?
A 2026 participatory study with middle-aged and older adults from several countries described stigma, silence and cultural norms around sexuality in later life. Participants also pointed to discomfort among health professionals and the widespread misconception that desire inevitably fades (Natukwatsa et al., 2026).
They also wanted something different. Participants were enthusiastic about inclusive, age-appropriate campaigns and health services that treat intimacy, pleasure and connection as part of wellbeing (Natukwatsa et al., 2026).
The survey of 75 older adults found a related gap. Participants were dissatisfied with the sexual health support, resources and services available to them, and often did not seek help because they did not expect it to be useful (Portellos et al., 2023).
This is ageism doing its quiet work. When older adults are treated as asexual or undesirable, the subject stops being raised, and questions that could be answered stay private. It is the pattern we have written about in age is not the problem, ageism is.
What people are looking for
Dating later in life is not simply dating in your twenties with more experience. The goals shift.
A study of 301 dating app users aged 18 to 86 found that older users were less motivated by sexual experience, relationship seeking and social approval, and more motivated by socialising (Liang & Bailey, 2026). The authors suggest that for many older adults, apps are a way to ease loneliness and widen their social circle, rather than only a route to a romantic partner.
In the same sample, older age was associated with greater life satisfaction and with less loneliness, depression and anxiety (Liang & Bailey, 2026). These are associations among app users, so they do not show that dating improves wellbeing.
Interview research adds another layer. An earlier paper from the same interview project found that what older adults looked for in a partner centred on being a priority and enjoying each other's company in the present, rather than on the income or occupation markers that often shape partner searches earlier in life (Harris, 2023).
How the app leaves you feeling
One finding in the dating app study is worth sitting with. Among older users, a stronger need for social approval from dating apps was linked to higher loneliness. This was not the case for younger users (Liang & Bailey, 2026).
The study was a single snapshot, so it cannot say which comes first. The authors note that loneliness may increase the pull towards approval, or that chasing approval may increase loneliness.
Either way, it is worth noticing whether an app leaves you feeling more connected or less. Across all ages in the sample, roughly four in ten users were satisfied with dating apps, roughly four in ten were dissatisfied, and the rest were neutral (Liang & Bailey, 2026).
Family, caring and the people in the background
New relationships in later life often involve family life and established social circles, including adult-children, grandchildren, ex-partners and caring roles that all come along.
In interviews with 67 adults aged 55 to 92 in Arizona, almost two-thirds described their own family as generally supportive of their dating. People did not always follow their family's advice, but many said the support mattered (Cotton, 2025).
Views about a partner's family were more mixed. Many were wary of dating someone with children, even adult children, and some women wanted to be a partner's priority. Others saw a partner's family as a chance to gain family relationships they lacked in their own lives (Cotton, 2025).
Caring changes the timing
In that same interview project, both men and women put the search for a partner on hold until their caring responsibilities were complete (Harris, 2023).
The effect on dating was gendered. Men tended to find women with caring responsibilities less desirable, while women tended to prefer men who were close to their families. Women were wary of partners who might add to their own caring load (Harris, 2023).
Caring roles arrive at many ages, including the thirties, forties and fifties. Putting your own relationships on hold can be a quiet cost of caring, and it is worth noticing early. Never too early, never too late.
Values, politics and what people will not bend on
In the same Arizona project, politics came up often. Politics was highly salient in partner choice across gender, class and ideology (Cotton & Zamora Castro, 2025).
Some participants wanted shared beliefs. Others tried to stay open-minded, partly to keep their pool of potential partners wider. Many wanted to avoid inflexible or extreme views and the arguments that come with them (Cotton & Zamora Castro, 2025).
Most of those who worried about having views pushed onto them were women (Cotton & Zamora Castro, 2025). Knowing what matters most to you, and what you are willing to be curious about, is part of the work of starting over.
Starting over after loss
For many people, loss is the doorway into later-life dating, and it makes the doorway harder to walk through.
In the Canadian LGBTQ+ study, single participants described coming home to an empty house as very difficult. Widowed participants were often reluctant to seek new partners because no one could measure up to the memory of their late partner. Others feared being hurt again (Hurd et al., 2025).
Grief was not always acknowledged by others. Participants whose same-sex partnerships had not been recognised often found that their losses were invisible too (Hurd et al., 2025).
Some people were starting from scratch for a different reason. Several participants were inexperienced at dating because they had come out in mid or later life (Hurd et al., 2025).
The authors argue that these stories shift the narrative of ageing from inevitable decline to one of change, adaptation and possibility (Hurd et al., 2025). It is a framing worth borrowing for anyone starting again.
Dating apps: connection, safety and scams
Apps are now one way older adults meet people, and the experience is mixed. Across all ages in the study of 301 users, about three in four had met someone in person (Liang & Bailey, 2026).
Safety information that fits
An Australian study asked 121 women aged 55 and over to watch three short, character-driven videos that used storytelling and humour to explain dating app safety, then complete a survey. Many had safety concerns and found it hard to locate practical information relevant to their age group (Turley et al., 2026).
The format landed. Participants described the humour-driven videos as accessible and relatable. Responses varied: some women said they would be more vigilant, some shared positive experiences, and a small group decided against using apps at all (Turley et al., 2026).
The eSafety Commissioner publishes online dating safety information, which the study identified as one of the text-based resources currently available.
Romance scams without the shame
A 2026 narrative review of eight studies looked at romance fraud among adults aged 55 and over. Older adults who were targeted were often navigating social isolation, widowhood or emotional vulnerability (Pope & Seto, 2026).
The review did not find that older adults are uniformly scammed more often than younger people, but scammers appear to target them, and the emotional and financial consequences can be greater (Pope & Seto, 2026).
Shame and self-blame contribute to underreporting. How a person is treated when they come forward, respected or dismissed, can shape whether they seek help again (Pope & Seto, 2026). The reviewers urge a shift from blaming the individual to looking at the environments in which scams thrive.
If this has happened to you or someone you love, it is not a character flaw. The researchers also flag social support and digital literacy as protective factors that deserve more study (Pope & Seto, 2026).
Bodies, comparison and confidence
Apps are visual, and that can affect how we feel about ourselves. In focus groups with 24 Australian sexual minority men aged 21 to 57, participants described frequent upward comparison with other users on gay dating apps, which they linked to body image and wellbeing concerns more than on mainstream apps (Bowman et al., 2026).
That sample was younger than most readers of this article. But it is a reminder that app design shapes how people feel about themselves.
For older adults, stereotypes about ageing bodies were one of the challenges raised in interviews about dating (Harris & Melanson, 2026).
Learning as we go
Few of us were taught how to date, negotiate needs or talk about consent, let alone how to do it again at 62.
In a national Australian survey of 936 sexual minority men (average age 38.9), all seven sources of sex and relationship education, including school and family, were rated as having limited usefulness. Peers and friends were rated relatively more useful for relationship skills, consent and negotiating needs with a partner (Newton et al., 2025).
That finding is about one community, but it points to something wider. Friends, peer groups and honest conversations are often where relationship skills are actually learned.
When starting over feels harder than expected
Nerves before a first date are normal. So is grief that resurfaces when you start to feel something for someone new.
It is worth speaking to your GP if low mood, worry or loneliness has been present most days for some time, if grief feels stuck, or if a painful experience such as a scam or a rejection is weighing on you. With any change in mental health, it is important to see your GP to rule out underlying physical causes.
What this looks like at Upside Stories
Starting over rarely involves just dating. It usually arrives with grief, a changed sense of who you are, family reactions, caring roles, or a story about ageing that says you should be finished with all this.
Our online therapy focuses on on what holds people back, such as fear of being hurt again, shame, comparison and loneliness, and on what a new relationship means for identity, purpose and connection.
For people who want structured work over a defined period, Rewrite Your Story integrates cognitive therapy with life review and identity work. For family carers of all ages whose own relationships have been on hold, Carers' Compass addresses the particular pressures of caring.
Sessions are delivered by telehealth across Australia, so distance, travel and a busy life do not need to be barriers.
Frequently asked questions
Is it too late to start dating again in my sixties, seventies or eighties?
No. The studies in this area include people well into their eighties who are dating or want to. In interviews with 67 adults aged 55 to 92, 39 were not in a relationship but looking to date (Cotton, 2025). Single adults aged 60 to 83 described a continuing desire for intimacy (Harris & Melanson, 2026), and LGBTQ+ adults aged 65 to 83 described romantic relationships as a source of happiness and companionship (Hurd et al., 2025).
Do older adults still want sex and intimacy?
Many do, and it is individual. Desire and expression change with age and health, but studies consistently find people continuing to value sexuality and adapting to changes through openness and communication (Portellos et al., 2023; Harris & Melanson, 2026). For many, affection and emotional connection matter more than sex (Hurd et al., 2025). If you would like to raise sexual health with your GP, researchers recommend that health professionals ask routinely, so you are allowed to bring it up (Natukwatsa et al., 2026).
Is it normal to feel reluctant or guilty about dating after losing a partner?
Reluctance after loss was common among widowed participants, some of whom felt no one could measure up to their late partner, and others feared being hurt again (Hurd et al., 2025). There is no timetable. If the feeling is heavy, or it is keeping you from connection you want, it is worth talking through with a friend, your GP or a psychologist.
What if my adult children are unsure about me dating?
In one US study, almost two-thirds of older daters described their own family as generally supportive, though people did not always follow family advice, and some had children who raised concerns (Cotton, 2025). Family reactions are something we can work through together in sessions.
Are older adults more likely to be scammed on dating apps?
Not necessarily more often, but scammers appear to target older adults, and the consequences can be greater when it happens (Pope & Seto, 2026). Shame often stops people from telling anyone, so talking to someone you trust early matters. If you have been affected, it is not a character flaw, and support is available.
Can I start dating while I am caring for someone?
Many people in the research waited until caring ended (Harris, 2023). It is also reasonable to want connection sooner, and there is no research-backed right time. Support for carers is available whether or not the person you care for is receiving support themselves.
How do age-gap relationships fare?
The evidence is limited and mixed. A UK survey of 126 people in age-gap relationships (a difference of around seven to ten years) found that older adults dating younger partners reported higher sexual and relationship satisfaction, while younger women dating older men reported lower sexual satisfaction than older women dating younger men (Banbury et al., 2025). The study was small and cross-sectional, so it cannot show cause, and the authors note that LGBTQIA+ voices were under-represented.
Do I need a GP referral to see a psychologist at Upside Stories?
No referral is needed to book. If you would like Medicare rebates, you will need a Mental Health Treatment Plan from your GP. Your GP determines whether you are likely to benefit from structured psychological support and whether you have a diagnosed mental disorder, such as adjustment disorder, depression, an anxiety disorder or a trauma-related condition. Our Referral Assistance page explains how to raise this with your GP and what to bring to the appointment.
What the research tells us
Single adults aged 60 to 83 who were recruited through online dating websites described sexual activity as an important part of building new romantic relationships, and did not see age-related changes as insurmountable (Harris & Melanson, 2026).
Older adults continued to value sexuality, expression, desire and identity as they aged, and were dissatisfied with available sexual health support (Portellos et al., 2023).
LGBTQ+ adults aged 65 to 83 said affection and emotional connection mattered more to them than sex (Hurd et al., 2025).
Stigma, silence and health professional discomfort limit conversations about sexuality in mid and later life (Natukwatsa et al., 2026).
Among dating app users aged 18 to 86, older users were less motivated by sexual experience, relationship seeking and social approval, and more motivated by socialising (Liang & Bailey, 2026).
Among older dating app users, stronger motivation for social approval was linked to higher loneliness, but not among younger users (Liang & Bailey, 2026).
Among dating app users, older age was associated with greater life satisfaction and less loneliness, depression and anxiety, although this does not show cause (Liang & Bailey, 2026).
Almost two-thirds of older daters described their family as generally supportive, while many were wary of dating someone with children (Cotton, 2025).
In the same interview project, both men and women postponed dating until caring responsibilities were complete, with gendered effects on how they were seen as partners (Harris, 2023).
Politics was highly salient in partner choice, and many older daters wanted to avoid inflexible or extreme views (Cotton & Zamora Castro, 2025).
Australian women aged 55 and over reported a lack of relevant dating app safety information, and humour-driven storytelling videos were seen as an accessible format (Turley et al., 2026).
Older adults are not uniformly scammed more often, but romance fraud consequences can be greater, and shame contributes to underreporting (Pope & Seto, 2026).
The story does not end at the last relationship
There is a version of later life where the love story is over and everything after is maintenance. The evidence does not back it.
It supports a different version. Desire changes shape but continues. Intimacy widens beyond sex. The wish for company, touch and being someone's priority runs right through the decades.
Starting again can be daunting, and it can sit alongside grief and courage in a culture that has told you the shop was closed.
If loss, loneliness or worry about starting over is affecting your sleep, your relationships or your quality of life, book a free 20-minute consult today to discuss your therapy needs.
Book now
References and reading
Banbury, S., Pacan, B., Kostadinova, D., Hada, J., Morriss-Roberts, C., Quarcoo, S., & Chandler, C. (2025). The relationship between age-gap relationships/dating, sexual function, relationship satisfaction, sexual self-efficacy and well-being. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 40(3), 548–563. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2025.2506088
Bowman, Z., Drummond, M., Prichard, I., & Petersen, J. M. (2026). "On Grindr you're selling body": Sexual objectification on gay dating apps and its relationship with Australian sexual minority men's body image and wellbeing. Body Image, 58, Article 102108. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2026.102108
Cotton, C. (2025). The specter of kin: Older Americans' considerations of family in later-life dating and repartnering. Canadian Studies in Population, 52, Article 3. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42650-025-00089-5
Cotton, C., & Zamora Castro, A. (2025). The elephant in the room? Considerations of politics among older adult daters. Sociological Forum, 40(1), 79–94. https://doi.org/10.1111/socf.13032
Harris, L. E. (2023). Older adults on the dating market: The role of family caregiving responsibilities. Journal of Marriage and Family, 85(3), 739–759. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12904
Harris, L., & Melanson, C. (2026). "The shop is not closed": Sex and sexuality among older adult daters. The Journal of Sex Research, 63(8), 1521–1533. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2026.2614315
Hurd, L., Tran, C., & Willis-Fry, M. (2025). Older LGBTQ+ Canadian adults' perceptions and experiences of dating and intimate partnerships. Journal of Aging Studies, 75, Article 101376. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2025.101376
Liang, R., & Bailey, P. E. (2026). Age differences in dating app motivations: Implications for well-being in older adulthood. Psychology and Aging. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/pag0000985
Natukwatsa, N., Marshall, A., Tieosapjaroen, W., Laroussi, H., Sakuma, Y., & Tucker, J. D. (2026). Sex-positivity among middle-aged and older adults: A series of participatory activities. Sexual Health, 23, Article SH25223. https://doi.org/10.1071/SH25223
Newton, J. D. A., Halford, W. K., & Barlow, F. K. (2025). Perceived usefulness of sex and relationship education sources among sexual minority men. Sex Education, 25(6), 919–936. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2024.2407622
Pope, T., & Seto, C. H. (2026). From swipe to swindle: A narrative review of research on older adult victims of romance fraud. Journal of Elder Abuse & Neglect, 38(4), 423–443. https://doi.org/10.1080/08946566.2026.2690996
Portellos, A., Lynch, C., & Joosten, A. (2023). Sexuality and ageing: A mixed methods explorative study of older adult's experiences, attitudes, and support needs. British Journal of Occupational Therapy, 86(7), 515–526. https://doi.org/10.1177/03080226231164277
Turley, E. L., Cattoni, J., & Corbett-Jarvis, N. (2026). Dating app safety among older women in Australia: Using informational videos for effective safety messaging delivery. Violence Against Women, 32(10), 3489–3514. https://doi.org/10.1177/10778012251366224
