Epidemic loneliness: Towards meaningful friendships
Loneliness is experienced by everyone at some point in life, whether after moving cities, following a breakup, or during major transitions like parenting, caregiving, or retirement. These transitions often converge in midlife and beyond, when carer responsibilities increase, friendships shift, or the impact of past discrimination resurfaces. Loneliness has now reached epidemic levels in many countries such as Australia and the US, and it is uniquely felt within LGBTQIA+ communities.
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, loneliness is compounded by minority stress — the internalised stress of living with an often stigmatised identity. This stress shows up in many ways, ranging from experiences of discrimination and harassment to internal struggles like rejection sensitivity, internalised homophobia, or fear of coming out. For those in midlife and older age, these experiences can compound over time, leading to cumulative stress, unprocessed grief, and isolation from both LGBTQIA+ spaces and wider society. However, LGBTQIA+ communities have a long history of navigating marginalisation — whether in their families, communities, or society — through resilience, community spirit, authenticity, and pride.
Although loneliness leaves us feeling disconnected due to unmet social needs, it is different from solitude, which is a restorative state of being alone by choice. As Eric Klinenberg, author of Going Solo, explains, loneliness signals that we need better, more meaningful connections. Loneliness often arises when social relationships, roles, or group memberships are lacking or harmful. This can be particularly true in midlife, when long-standing roles — such as partner, parent, or professional identity — are in flux, and new roles may not yet feel clear or fulfilling.
A place for AI companionship?
Despite the growing use of AI companions as a solution to loneliness, especially by young people in their teenage years, AI companions overlook the deeper emotional needs that human interaction provides. AI may offer harmless entertainment or limited emotional support, but it cannot replace the complex emotional experiences of real human relationships. For people who are chronically lonely or going through major change, there is growing evidence of harm. Instead, building genuine social bonds — especially in marginalised LGBTQIA+ communities — requires investment in social infrastructure, such as parks, libraries, and community programs.
The science of loneliness and its impacts on LGBTQIA+ communities
While loneliness can motivate us to seek social interaction, prolonged isolation has detrimental effects on mental and physical health. Chronic loneliness — more prevalent among LGBTQIA+ individuals due to social isolation and minority stress —triggers a stress response that can activate the immune system, increasing inflammation and causing long-term damage to our brain. Studies show that individuals who experience high levels of loneliness are at greater risk of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease.
Loneliness tends to follow a U-shaped curve throughout life, with peaks in younger adulthood and older age. Although it’s not necessarily easier for people in midlife, with loneliness shaped by major life transitions: children leaving home, retirement planning, ageing parents, or health changes — all of which can heighten a sense of disconnection
For younger LGBTQIA+ individuals, the journey of self-discovery and coming out can sometimes be lonely, especially if they face hostility or rejection from family or peers. Experiences of bullying or social exclusion are particularly harmful during these formative years.
For older people in LGBTQIA+ communities , many have lived through decades of social rejection before the gay liberation movement took hold. They often face growing older in a society that can still hold prejudice, leading to feelings of invisibility and exclusion, particularly in LGBTQIA+ spaces that tend to cater to younger generations. And LGBTQIA+ people in midlife may also experience exclusion — from youth-focused queer spaces on one side, and from heteronormative social circles on the other. This double marginalisation can lead to feeling invisible in both worlds.
That’s why chosen families, and LGBTQIA+ friendly social, arts, and sports spaces, are important for building meaningful connections. Without strong community ties, supportive or chosen families, those in the LGBTQIA+ communities are more vulnerable to the harmful effects of loneliness.
Practical strategies for building friendships in the LGBTQIA+ community
If you're feeling isolated, especially in the LGBTQIA+ communities, making new friendships may seem daunting. However, with the right approach, it’s possible to build meaningful connections. For those in midlife and later life, starting again socially can feel especially vulnerable. However, it’s never too late to build meaningful friendships — especially when shared values, life experience, and authenticity offer a guide to explore:
Joining LGBTQIA+ groups: Look for LGBTQIA+ specific social groups centred on shared interests such as sports, activism, art, or other activities. These groups provide a safe, inclusive space to meet others with similar experiences. Look for intergenerational or later life specific groups — some are tailored to the wisdom that comes from the ‘queer elders’ in our community, mature LGBTQIA+ people, or those re-entering community spaces after a long break.
Volunteering for LGBTQIA+ causes: Volunteering for an LGBTQIA+ charity, pride event, or advocacy group connects you with others who are passionate about making a difference, while also giving you a sense of purpose.
Participating in LGBTQIA+ community events: Pride events, queer book clubs, and LGBTQIA+ gatherings offer opportunities to meet people who understand your unique experiences. Joining these spaces on a regular basis helps build a sense of belonging. Choose events that feel affirming and pro-age, such as queer storytelling nights, local LGBTQIA+ walking groups, or wellness programs.
Being vulnerable in safe spaces: It can be hard to open up, especially if you’ve experienced rejection or discrimination, but vulnerability often leads to deeper, more meaningful connections. Sharing personal experiences with others who understand can foster trust and friendship.
Reconnecting with LGBTQIA+ friends: Reaching out to old friends from LGBTQIA+ spaces can be a great way to rekindle connections and rebuild supportive networks.
Attending LGBTQIA+ support groups: For those who have faced trauma, rejection, or significant stress related to their identity, attending support groups can be a helpful way to come out and build connections with others who understand these challenges.
Moving online connections offline: Use online LGBTQIA+ forums and platforms as a stepping stone to build real-world friendships. Move beyond virtual interactions by inviting someone to a coffee meet-up or community event.
Staying determined: Building friendships takes time — the more times you catch up in a meaningful way, and the closer you live to each other — make a difference. Continue to show up for your friends and communities, and connections will develop organically.
The role of therapy for overcoming chronic loneliness
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, therapy can play an important role in finding better ways of responding to chronic loneliness. Some people face unique challenges such as rejection by family, internalised homophobia, or experiences of violence and discrimination. These experiences can create barriers to forming friendships and intimate relationships, leaving individuals feeling unworthy of genuine connection or fearful of rejection.
LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy helps address both the internalised aspects of minority stress and the external experiences of marginalisation. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based approaches, such as Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Schema Therapy, help challenge negative thought patterns and ways of coping that keep you stuck in isolation. Trauma-focused CBT helps individuals process earlier adversity that have contributed to feelings of loneliness.
By nurturing self-acceptance and empowering individuals to navigate social spaces with confidence, therapy becomes an important tool for building meaningful friendships and supportive networks. For LGBTQIA+ people in midlife and older age, therapy can also offer a chance to process identity-related challenges that were never safely explored earlier in life — such as late coming-out experiences, unresolved grief, or estrangement from family.
Feeling stuck in loneliness or old stories?
If you're in midlife and older age, and feeling weighed down by loneliness, rejection, or the aftershocks of earlier adversity — you’re not alone. We understand that ongoing loneliness often stems from more than just a lack of connection. Sometimes it’s the stories we carry about not belonging, not being enough, or not being safe to show up as we are.
That’s where therapy comes in.
Through online therapy and our 10-week Rewrite Your Story program — tailored to your needs, we help LGBTQIA+ adults in midlife and beyond:
Challenge the limiting stories shaped by trauma, shame, or rejection
Rebuild trust in yourself and others
Explore new ways of connecting — with meaning, purpose, and pride
Move from isolation toward authenticity and chosen community
You don’t have to face this alone. Start with a free 20-minute consult and take the first step toward rewriting your story — one grounded in connection, resilience, and belonging.
References
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Elmer, E. M., van Tilburg, T. G., & Fokkema, T. (2024). Age and gender identity in the relationship between minority stress and loneliness: a global sample of sexual and gender minority adults. The Journal of Sex Research. 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2024.2339511
Hughes, M. (2016). Loneliness and social support among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people aged 50 and over. Ageing and Society. 36(9), 1961–1981. https://doi:10.1017/S0144686X1500080X
Klinenberg, E. (2013). Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. Penguin Books.
Maples, B., Cerit, M., Vishwanath, A., & Pea, R. (2024). Loneliness and suicide mitigation for students using GPT3-enabled chatbots. npj Mental Health Research. 3(4). 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1038/s44184-023-00047-6
Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community.
Pereira, H., & Banerjee, D. (2021). Successful aging among older LGBTQIA+ people: future research and implications. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12, 1–7. https://doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2021.756649