Finding unexpected growth after life changing and traumatic events
If you've been through a major upheaval, adversity, or trauma — particularly in midlife and beyond, when life transitions like divorce, caregiving, job loss, chronic illness, or bereavement can bring major disruption — you're likely to be familiar with the after-effects. Traumatic responses might include shock, numbness, and denial, the intrusive re-experiencing of memories and efforts to both avoid and bring meaning to those memories.
When faced with traumatic stress, our natural tendency is to avoid the pain, but this avoidance can lead to isolation and maintain the cycle of distress. In midlife, avoidance can show up as over-functioning at work, staying busy for others, or shelving your own emotional needs to care for others — but healing requires space to pause and reflect. Despite the possibility of grief, anxiety, depression, and negativity, from exposure to traumatic events, we now know that psychological growth can coexist with distress.
Over time, psychological distress inevitably declines once positive meaning takes hold, representing the emergence of psychological wellbeing. Instead of being roadblocks, adversity and trauma can be a springboard for positive change, strengthening relationships, shifting perspectives, and revealing inner strengths. For people who are approaching midlife, and beyond, this kind of growth often includes redefining purpose, adjusting long-held identity roles, and rediscovering personal strengths for what’s ahead.
The shattered vase: a metaphor for growth
At Upside Stories, we use the metaphor of the "shattered vase" from Stephen Joseph’s work to illustrate this process. Trauma can feel like knocking a cherished vase off a shelf, shattering it into pieces. Some people attempt to glue the pieces back together, trying to restore what once was, but the vase remains fragile. Others gather the fragments and create something entirely new—a mosaic that, while different, is just as beautiful and far stronger. Posttraumatic growth lies in coming to terms with the breakage and using it as an opportunity to build something new, strong, and full of unexpected potential.
When we face experiences that challenge our beliefs and assumptions about ourselves, others, or the world, we’re faced with a choice: do we try to fit these challenges into our old way of understanding, or do we open ourselves to new perspectives? For many in midlife and older age, these challenges disrupt familiar narratives — about who we were supposed to be by now, or how life was ‘meant’ to turn out. Growth comes when we lean into the discomfort of change and find meaning in our losses and adversities. Traumatic adjustments and losses gives us the chance to look at life through a new lens, encouraging us to see opportunities for positive change and growth. And for those in midlife or older age, therapy offers a rare opportunity to re-evaluate long-held beliefs, reclaim your voice, and author a new chapter for life ahead.
The role of therapy in facilitating growth
At Upside Stories, we believe that people are hard-wired for growth. Through a strong therapeutic relationship and insightful questions, we help clients find meaning in their experiences and move towards authentic psychological growth. The shattered vase isn’t just a symbol of loss, it’s a metaphor for the strength that emerges when we rebuild by going beyond coping towards opportunities for transformative change.
Ready to rewrite your story?
If you’ve experienced trauma or major life upheaval, your story may feel fractured — but this chapter doesn’t have to be a roadblock. Especially in midlife or later life, when reflection deepens and priorities shift, therapy can be a turning point for new meaning, purpose, and direction in life. That’s why at Upside Stories, we offer online therapy and tailored 10-week programs like Rewrite Your Story which offers a foundation for:
Making sense of what’s happened — and what still matters
Shifting unhelpful patterns shaped by past experiences
Reconnecting with your values, identity, and inner strengths
Growing beyond the distress, into a future that feels more like you
Start with a free 20-minute consultation to explore if this chapter of growth is right for you.
References:
Figley, C.R., Bride, B.E., & Mazza, N. (1998). The traumatology of grieving. Brunner/Mazel.
Janoff-Bulman, R. (1992). Shattered assumptions: Towards a new psychology of trauma. Free Press.
Joseph, S. (2011). What doesn’t kill us: The new psychology of posttraumatic growth. Basic Books.
Joseph, S., & Linley, P. A. (2005). Positive adjustment to threatening events: An organismic valuing theory of growth through adversity. Review of General Psychology, 9, 262-280. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.9.3.262
Lepore, S., & Revenson, T. A. (2006). Resilience and posttraumatic growth: Recovery, resistance, and reconfiguration. In L. G. Calhoun, & R. G. Tedeschi. (Eds.), Handbook of posttraumatic growth: Research and practice (pp. 24-46). Lawrence Erlbaum.
Linley, P. A., Joseph, S., & Goodfellow, B. (2008). ‘Positive changes in outlook following trauma and their relationship to subsequent posttraumatic stress, depression, and anxiety. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27, 877-891. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2008.27.8.877
Linley, P. A., & Joseph, S. (2004). Positive change following trauma and adversity: A review. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 17(1), 11-21. https://doi.org/10.1023/B:JOTS.0000014671.27856.7e. PMID: 15027788
Walmsley, B., & McCormack, L. (2021). Dementia families: Relinquishing home care to aged care services: Guilt, traumatic loss and growth. Dementia. 20(5), 1814-1831. https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301220970784